Home » My personal life » God, I’m Under A Yet Another Narcissist, Again – My Life As of Now – Part 5

God, I’m Under A Yet Another Narcissist, Again – My Life As of Now – Part 5

Right now it’s 5:48 PM and I apparently successfully escaped again. I’m having to retype this entry because my screen, being so messed up, couldn’t see what I was doing hardly when I was trying to copy the entry from the text file it was in and post it, and accidentally exited it instead.

What happened today in the morning was this:

Isat knocked on my door, expressing her anger over me still not having moved all my property in back, and said, the usual, “I don’t want to repeat myself,” and more, like, “I’ll throw this out myself if I have to, and you can go back to where you came from” and yelled, when I kept saying “I know,” and “You don’t have to repeat” and “I was injured, that’s why I stopped, “My children don’t even do this!” whatever that meant. It didn’t even make sense and it was a lie because her daughter’s room, when I first moved in, as I documented with my camera, was a major mess and would be considered condemnable because of the dust, mold, animal skin and hair everywhere and on top of all that, being stuffy to make it hard to move about and keep clean. Before going outside and yelling at me , I had told her I was injured and that’s why I stopped, and then tried to figure out where my shoes were, and she said they were behind her office desk, and I felt that I’d made a huge blunder there. I made up a lie and said it was because “Buttercup had gone in there” meaning I’d went to tend to her there since she has me caring for it. But she said, “What were you doing with my computer?” and I denied doing anything with it, and then said, “Didn’t you see me sleeping on the bed?” and she replied, :Who told you to bring it in there?”as if I had no permission, but that was a lie of hers since she approved of it days before but insisted I cleaned it (even though I had and it clearly was clean and I’d even used hospital grade disinfectant that I’d bought to clean it). But I told another lie and said it was because my shoes smelled bad and was trying to get them away from me while I slept on that futon, and she then said, “Put your shoes outside nextime, and then, as I said, she went outside to continue insulting me, and at one point saying, “I don’t need the headache.” Iav as usual wasn’t around to hear any of this, and I now know what kind of personality he has, so even if he had I know he would be happy about it, which I’ll explain now.

About 2 hours ago, Iav had went to the refridgerator looking for food, and not finding any went back to his room, then soon drove off. I continued to move my things carefully and slowly since now three wheels on my garden cart were popped and both of my forearm muscles were painfully seizing from overuse, and I didn’t want my left knee dislocating again. I also cleaned the kitchen very well, including the dishes and cutlery he used. He never lifts a finger to clean outside his room, except his own clothes, which he hasn’t removed from the washer for at least two days now. A little while later Iav drove off, and as usual the German Shep followed me around, and out the back fence. I didn’t like this in general because it kept getting in my way, distracting me into playing with it, stepping on my rocks and it was getting very annoying. I wasn’t afraid of it attacking anyone because when I’d accidentally let it escape, I’d see it was friendly with everyone. One time some days ago it followed me to the end of the street I’m on, and to my suprirse didn’t bark at all when an elderly man walked by me. The only aggravating thing was that he wouldn’t stay still when I told him too, and would walk in the street. So, after Iav was gone for maybe 30 minutes, to my horror the dog came out to greet him, horror because if I hadn’t written about this already, Iav had the day before, when coming into the kitchen, said to me,

“Hey, you” then paused as if afraid he’d be heard by a guy outside working on the family care, or hating to talk in general, and then said, “Don’t let that dog outside, lock the fence” and I think something about him not liking it running about. It didn’t do that though, it would just sit on the lawn after a while, he merely hated it, and I knew that, because days ago, maybe a week ago, I watched him walk by it and shake his head at it as it sat in the main entrance hall, and he shook his head at it, as if it were an annoyance, though the dog was doing nothing wrong. I’ve watched Iav walk it out twice, my guess is he hated it because it would tug to go where it wanted, just like it had done to me when I walked it back to the house when it followed me to the end of the street.

But so, Iav got back after doing I don’t know what, he didn’t seem to have any bag of food in his hand, and with an upset look came out the car, and said, “Hey, asshole,” and I then turned on my recorder and he came around the car and said something that was like this, “I told you not to let that dog out,” and I said, “I’m sorry” in a genuine manner, and I was, and that made him more upset, and he kept walking towards me and I kept walking back, and he appeared to want to hit me from his demeanor, and he said, something and I said sorry again, and said to me, “I don’t want to hear that ‘sorry’ shit” and he paused to stare at me angrily, and then turned around and said,”If that dog were to hurt anyone, mmmh” then said, “Or if were to get lost… I’ll hang your ass in a tree.” Now here is where it got to the point where I could tell he was trying to find an opportunity to murder me. About 30 minutes later (at least in my time disoriented mind). I could hear Iav go out some door, and it sounded like a gate slammed a little. I don’t know if there’s an outside door in his room or not because it didn’t sound like the main gate, but that’s what I heard, a gate slam and I looked to see if he had driven off, but I saw the family car was still there. So then I started to go outside to again move my things and then I heard the car drive off off and while I was at the side of the house organizing and moving my things again, the dog came to the fence and I was shocked, because I had made sure he was inside and couldn’t get out by fully closing the back door. So I went to the back and saw it had been opened and the stool that is always there was placed where Isat had asked me to put it so that it wouldn’t close: between it and the other half of the door that was closed. I thought though that the dog had cleverly gotten out since I’d seen it use it’s nose and paw to grab the side of the door, and thought this time it turned the knob somehow, especially since I’d seen a clever horse on CNN opening doors. So I went to Isat to ask to keep the back door closed to keep the dog inside, because Iav had gotten mad over me supposedly letting the dog loose, and she gave me permission and didn’t say anything about Iav. I also told her about the dog getting out, not thinking for sure it was Isat doing that and not thinking Iav would do that, and she said, “Yes, he can do that.” But then I wondered after leaving her and Iav came back after a short while, and then went back to Isat and asked if she’d told Iav to open the door and put the stool there where it was, and she replied, “We do that” and something else related to it. Then I went away again and tended to my property and went in my room a little, fearing Iav would go in and do something to what I had there. Instead he went out again, and I went to the front door to make sure the German Shep wouldn’t leave, and as I held him still, and was in front of the door, on the inside, watched as the family car passed in front of it going to the right, and there was Iav in it, with his head turned towards me with a hateful look. I then went to tend to my property again he returned after a short while, and I went back inside… (that’s odd, this woman I met near the time I moved in, who I saw taking pictures of “common” things is outside again, and I heard “take a picture” and turned and saw an old woman on the driveway of that house and the same woman I’d met on the sidewalk moving her camera about, and it seemed to be on me when I first looked, and the old woman said, “Why?” and then I saw an old man, and all three went back out of view back towards that house, it’s 6:24 PM by the way.) As I was saying, I went inside and went to the choir room when I saw Iav doing something int he kitchen, to see if I could record him saying anything bad to me. And after going into the choir room (it’s to the left of the main door and only separated from the kitchen by cabinets and the main hallway) and as I organized more sheet music (Isat ordered me to organize a massive amount of it that was scattered about that room, with much of the music disorganized). I then saw him go to the back door to the back door which I’d again fully closed. I suspected he’d gone to look at the fence to see if I’d left it open, and he came in, and I didn’t know it but he’d put the stool back to keep the door open, and then soon after went to his room. So there was my confirmation he was the one who kept it open, and clearly to me, looking for an opportunity to harm me. I wonder now if he, hating the dog, and no doubt many others, maybe even his own mom, and knowing he hates me, and him being about 42 it appears, gray-haired, having no friends as far as I can tell, and raised to be a psychopath, or at least a very hostile person, will have one of those murderous rages that are common these days, and I end up dead. He’s a typical hypocrite, the type that ignores the suffering of others, won’t lift a finger to help, and places blame on everyone else for anything bad that happens even if it’s clear they are responsible in some direct way. After his insulting and threatening me in front of the garage, I ended up breaking some prized glassware in my distraction over his severe threat. Yet more property destroyed no thanks to hateful people, when will such evil end? My hope is that one day after Jesus returns, he’ll give me back all the rocks I found and restore them or make them better than they were before, so that I can display them to his glory in some spectacular museum (with his name on it, or God’s). That would be so Isatsfying. Some might say, “Why not then just leave all those rocks behind?” My answer is that God has commanded us all to work and be productive with that work, and so I’m not going to sit and do nothing and let all that work go to waste. That same answer by the way is appropriate for non-destiny believing Christians and anti-Calvinists who love to use the “Why not just sit and do nothing?” attack, which is hypocritical, since the belief of those Christians is that God will forgive them over and over and over to no end so long as they are truly sorry and that they can be truly sorry always at some time in the future, and even escape Hell. And so I ask them, “Why then don’t you just do whatever you want, or sit and do nothing, since at some point, God will always forgive you and let you back into Heaven, till you make yourself corrupt again before him there?” There’s no logical answer for that one. For all the true Christians who read this, please help me if you can rather than simply praying for me. My email is in of my posts, just do a find search for the @ sign. If any of this post has spelling mistakes or odd errors in continuity, remember, I can barely see on my laptop and there’s these colored and white horizontal lines, and image doubling everywhere, and other display errors, and on top of that, the display consistency is very unstable.

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